I’m going to write a weekly “how were things” post about caring for my mom, in addition to specific things like finding a place to live, paying for things, and other stuff…..so here is how the middle of December went. Lots of this will be stream of consciousness, so don’t expect perfection…..
As a reminder, my mom has dementia so we moved her to Oregon into assisted living. They feed her and administer medications. It’s a nice place that seems relatively social, though not perfect. I take her to appointments and buy her stuff and set up the furnishings and stuff (and my amazing wife helps too).
Last Weekend
My sister drove down from Seattle to spend Saturday with mom. Which was a great idea. The both need to see each other more often while my mom can remember stuff. Unfortunately, the assisted living place was experiencing a flu outbreak. IMO, they should let us know this kind of thing, but they did not. My sister got there, and watched my mom drink egg nog (uh, she can’t have dairy). My mom got up from the table w/o her walker, went into the elevator and threw up. Turns out, she had been sick the night before also, so it wasn’t the dairy. My sister left, wisely, and did NOT go to the holiday dinner.
She ended up going to a Rotary fundraising even with us, which was fun and nice…..but she did not get to spend time with mom. Not happy the place doesn’t let me know she’s sick (they actually called later Saturday, around 2 or 3 and told me, but that’s a bit late). They didn’t let me know earlier because she threw up late Friday night. I get it….but leave me a voice mail?
Monday and Tuesday
Monday? I don’t think much happened Monday other than 4 calls from her about when we go to the doctor. Same on Tuesday, though it was me calling her to remind her about the doctor appointment and her calling me back.
Wednesday at the Doctor
I picked her up early, because you never know how long it will take her to move. Or if she’ll be waiting in the lobby or her room (lobby this time). The doctor office is on the second floor over a bunch of restaurants and stuff, but I didn’t know that so we parked too far away for my taste (I had to walk around to figure out where to go). Once we got there, there were more forms to fill out, which were somewhat identical to the ones I already filled out online (more on this in another post, I’d imagine).
I filled out the forms while mom went to the bathroom. When she got out, she read the first page, and was MAD that I said she couldn’t do all the activities of daily living (more on this in another post, as it matters for government assistance). One of the examples was going up and down stairs. Zero chance she can go down more than 2 without falling. She said she could in an emergency, and now I’m hoping there is never a fire at her place, because she’ll try to use the stairs.
Once we got into the doctor’s office, they did the standard height (she’s so bent over she’s 4 inches, maybe 5, shorter than she was ). Blood pressure and pulse (I should have asked how they were, whoops). The doctor came and she was super nice and I’m a fan. She started asking mom questions, but mom couldn’t answer any of them, so I did. Then she started asking me questions, and my mom got a tiny bit annoyed. The doctor very nicely pointed out it was a three person conversation, and my mom should talk whenever she wanted (which, she didn’t answer any questions going forward either).
The only bad part was when the doctor asked me WHY my mom was on the meds she was. Like, I don’t know? I thought it was great I knew all the meds (there are a lot), and most of her history (though how could I know when they cut into her thyroid, do people really remember that kind of stuff?). But, she wanted (fairly) to know the diagnoses. I admit, I don’t know all the diagnoses. Up until that point, I thought I was doing well being one of the healthcare people helping my mom.
I did manage to log into her PCP website in MN, and we looked at the vaccinations and diagnoses, but it isn’t all of them and it doesn’t include notes. I filled out the paperwork to get the information from three of her MN doctors sent to OR, but doctor offices are notoriously bad at doing this kind of work. If we had nationalized medicine……
Over the years many people have tried to create a universal health record, but every effort has failed for various reasons.
Overall, the doctor appointment went well, and we scheduled a blood draw for Friday. (see the next section for how THAT went) We scheduled her annual Medicare visit for January, I think before the next president takes over, so she should still be covered for that….
Wednesday after the Doctor
It’s not like the day was over at 330 or whatever time we left the doctor. She desperately needed her nails cut, and we had parked not far from a nail solon (and I wanted my toe nails done), so I took her there. She insisted on paying (see below) which was good with me.
Both sets of nails were ridiculously long. Like, her fingernails looked LONG like the fake ones some people wear that you think could rip you to shreds. He toenails were thick and curled (my sister was going to cut them when she came down, but that didn’t happen for obvious reasons). Four of her fingernails had broken, but she wanted the others cut pretty long for my tastes (for an old woman who can’t cut her own nails, let’s cut them short so we don’t pay as often, please).
The woman doing my toes was awesome. One of the better pedicures I’ve had, frankly (though I didn’t get polish as I didn’t want to drive for an hour w/o shoes). The woman cutting my mom’s? Not as good. I’m not even sure how much of the toe nails she took off, but it was clear my mom doesn’t like people touching her feet, and she was squirming and seemed happy with the length, and I wasn’t going to disagree over this.
When we went to pay, of course my mom doesn’t know her pin for her debit card…….
Thursday and Friday
My sister and mom talked on Thursday, and my mom was very complimentary of my patience and help. She then called me and said the same thing.
We were supposed to have blood drawn on Friday, but she had to fast. I called her twice Thursday to remind her, and called the place she lives to tell them. The kitchen staff was SUPPOSED to be told, and maybe they were? But, of course, she ate breakfast. No idea how I’m going to enforce fasting given she can’t remember anything out of the ordinary at this point, and apparently I can’t rely on the place she lives. Sigh.
I was on hold for 15 minutes trying to cancel the appointment, when I found an email with a link that allowed me to cancel. I need to figure out how I can login as her at Legacy to make this easier. Now I need to schedule an appointment, but I’m not sure I can handle being on hold all day, and I can’t log in as her….so, yeah!
Apparently the cancellation didn’t work? I got a text reminding her about her appointment around the time of the appointment, so, yeah?
Conclusion
I think I’ll do these weekly updates going forward. They might or might not help me or anyone else.