When I got laid off more than a few years ago, I took notes about how I was feeling. These were shared on my failed website, but they are not currently on the Internet. People get laid off all the time, and knowing what others are going through can help.
So, here are my notes from the days after I got laid off. (I’ve largely NOT corrected them for grammar, btw)
Day One
Yesterday was not super hard. The people in the office were great, everyone was very nice on Facebook, the worst was a short time feeling like I had let Julianne and the boys down. I am supposed to make money and enable their lives. So far, the next day has been about my inability to be present. Can’t stop thinking about money, and work, and the people I will miss. Admittedly, I was not a stellar employee the last few months. It was clear leadership and I did not agree on the way to run this effort. It was also clear that I had frustrated some of them.
One of the boys was, is, nervous about money. While we have three years of income saved up, it is a bit scary. The worst is trying to figure out healthcare. We should get paperwork soon soon about that. I went to the coffee shop that had a sale for our apartment residents, and sat there unable to really enjoy the moment. This is clearly why they call mindfulness a practice. It can be hard.
While at the winery, I was able to be present and in the moment. Maybe I could have golfed? We are about to plan a hike for tomorrow, I anticipate most of the time I will be present on that, we’ll see.
Day Two
Not much to say. I am writing this on Monday, since we hiked in the mountains on Sunday. Mostly we were just present in the greatness of the mountain. Julianne brought it up once and I pointed out I was trying to just be in the moment. I wasn’t angry about it, but it didn’t come up again until later.
At night I began to worry about Monday. The first day where I wasn’t working in over 25 years…..
Day Three
Got up late. Drank coffee. It was nice out, and it won’t be much longer. So I made some oatmeal and went golfing. There first few holes were not distracting. It was obvious to me I was not working, or should be working, or something. I played ok, and eventually started caring more about my score than not being at work.
Neither of us feel like making dinner, so we went for Indian, and each only ate half our meal. I am pretty sore and tight from two days of walking a lot. I actually carried my bag to save money. I walked to the liquor store to see if anything was on sale I normally drank. Nope.
I had to encourage Julianne to go to choir, she has two quotes to get out for work too. But having fun matters! Played some iPad games. Now going to soak in the tub. I don’t think I have grieved yet…..
Day Five
Hmmmm. Didn’t write at all yesterday….
Today I got up and worked out for over an hour. It was pretty random, mostly stuff various therapists recommended after I broke my leg. I will have to develop a routine. More people reach out every day. The support is nice. Having moved (we had been in Portland for just over a year and a half at this point?), I really feel the lack of friends around right now. I could use the support network. I already signed up for one Meetup, going to look for more.
I will probably change my old blog to be about getting laid off. I will use it to organize on line resources, and to do this. It does seem to help. We sent the separation agreement to a lawyer today. That’s the advice I would give, so we did it.
Julianne was a bit more emotional today. It likely came from talking to people about it at BNI today. So far, I am not as much as I thought. Encouraged the boys to talk to their respective finance offices at school (they were both in college at this time). Maybe we can get some deal? I will be checking the web for scholarships or something.
Day Six
Got up a bit earlier.
Yesterday I stopped at the wine bar and drank, Julianne eventually joining me for dinner. There were four women customers and two women employees taking about dating, and stuff. I was entertained. One works for the Red Cross, she said going to help in the Caribbean would be exhausting, but worth it.
Will Determan just called from Cambodia to offer support. He is a good guy for sure. Another friend reached out to give me information about Robert Half, where she used to work. Also about following your heart and doing something you like. Which is pretty much what Will said.
Taking my own advice, I just hired a lawyer to look at the separation agreement. Not free, but it shouldn’t be. He needs to make a living too. This is something I have really learned about owning a business, people deserve to get paid for their time and expertise.
Been noodling the novelist idea hard. I have an outline in my head for two chapters, or so, of a fantasy novel. Also considering a story about a guy trying to write a story…..
Might have a beer with someone, but I doubt it. Making frozen pizza, and a long grocery list for tomorrow.
Day Fifteen
Day, like, 15? Last night I dreamt that I went into work by accident, in Minnesota. Everyone was happy to see me, and they even paid me. Today I actually missed working. I didn’t miss people, as I got more phone calls than I get in most weeks. Sigh.
End Notes
That’s it. Those are my notes, kind of cleaned up, but not really.
All I can say with retrospect is to save money if you can. Reach out to friends and family (the supportive ones, not the other ones). Use the resources you are offered. Apply for unemployment. Try to find a way to be present once you can.
Getting laid off is hard, very hard. But, and I know this sounds trite, millions of people lose their job every year. Many of them find ways to have better lives eventually. Find small ways to be hopeful, just a few if you can.
Good luck.