This is the first chapter of a novel I am re-writing. I originally wrote this when I got laid off, some 2.5 years ago. I sent it to a few people. They mostly agreed, it was lacking something. They, of course, didn’t agree all that much on what was lacking, and I set this work aside for some time. I even wrote 4 chapters of another book, and the intro of a third!
Now? Now I’m back to re-writing. First on the list is to make the characters less “they are all the same” than they were. I’ve worked on that by adding this new first chapter (that I think only my wife has read). Anyway, here is chapter one. I’d love to read your thoughts! I copied and pasted this, so some of the paragraph returns might be off…….
Chapter One
Lian had been tracking his friends for over half a year, since last Naming Day. Today was especially difficult, because this section of the forest was well traveled, and there were tracks everywhere. Somehow he’d have to figure out things quickly, or he’d not find them before nightfall. He didn’t want to fail again.
It had been easy to find them when they started the game, but over the last two months, his friends had gotten better and better at hiding, and he’d failed to find them three of the last five times.
Lian dropped to his hands and knees to look more closely at the dew on the ground. Drops of dew were on nearly all the tracks, but not quite all of them. Lian smiled the smile that usually hid his insecurity, that he wore as a mask most days. But not today. He had finally cracked the code of how to track them in the lingering dew and mist, and this smile was real. While Enjam and Savin had come out here over the last two days, and laid false trails, they had not counted on the dew.
It was almost unfair, he thought, that they had changed the rules several weeks ago to make it harder on him. But as they’d told him, Rangers don’t get to set the rules out in the wild. Lian smiled again. He’d smelled what he had expected to smell right about here.
“Ah, there you are,” Lian said to no one in particular. He often whispered to himself in the wild, but especially so when things went well, or especially poorly. This time, they had gone well.
Enjam smiled from his perch in the tree above his friend. Sure, he’d probably find Savin, but there was no way he’d find him. Enjam had spent nearly a week setting up ropes in various trees, so he could move from one end of the small forest to the other without even touching the ground. It was actually Santan’s idea, but her parents wouldn’t let her play this game for some reason, so Enjam stole it.
Lian looked up in the tree, and said it again. “Ah, there you are.” Enjam’s mouth gaped. There was no way Lian should have been able to find him. Before he could ask how his friend had found him, he noticed someone coming down the trail a few spans away. “Lian, who is that?”
“Or what? It’s covered in so much mud and grass, are you sure it’s even human?” Savin suddenly appeared, and started toward the person that was stumbling down the trail before she even finished talking.
Enjam leapt from the tree, and grabbed her by the arm, pulling her into the woods on the side of the trail. He motioned for Lian to follow. He didn’t want anyone to get hurt by whatever it was that was headed their way. It could be an orac in disguise, or a fey trying to trick them. But then the figure collapsed about twenty feet before getting to them, and Enjam knew right away it was a human girl. A human girl that he wanted to help more than he’d ever wanted to help anyone in his entire young life.
He was faster than his friends, and he got there before either of them did. “She’s breathing. By the gods she smells awful.”
Savin pushed Enjam to the side, and began checking the girl for wounds. Someday she’d be a healer or priest, and she’d not let her first chance to save someone be wasted by Enjam and his carelessness. “She’s not wounded, at least not physically. Between the three of us, we should be able to carry her back to the village before nightfall. Our game will have to be delayed. Let’s get moving.”
Neither Lian nor Enjam liked it when Savin told them what to do, because she did it all the time. But this time she was right. They’d have to cancel their game if they were to rescue this girl.
It took them nearly three hours, but they finally got the girl back to the edge of the village. Night had fallen, and they’d missed dinner. “I’ll get my father. Lian, you stay with the girl. Enjam, see if you can find any of the other elders.” Savin took off before waiting for answers, assuming her two friends would do what she told them.
Lian, for his part, didn’t mind resting while the other two did the work of finding adults to help them. He didn’t know what any of the other elders could do, but Savin’s father was a priest of the Harvest Lord. He was a natural healer, even without his magic. With his magic, he could save almost anyone.
Savin and her father were the first to return.
“Lian, I’ve already told Savin this, but I need the two of you to stand away while I try to save this child. We don’t know if she has a disease you could catch, or how she’ll react when she awakens.”
Savin looked at Lian, “Don’t bother arguing, or suggesting the obvious, that we already spent three hours carrying her, or that we should protect him while he works. I’ve been trying to whole way back.”
Brulle waited for the two nedults to move away, then knelt over the dirt covered child. Savin was right, there were no obvious injuries. As priest, he could ask for healing from the Harvest Lord, but he wasn’t sure what to ask for in this case. He knew that the more specific he could make a prayer, the more effective it was. He didn’t know if he had time to be specific, though, so he prayed that the child in front of him awaken, and that she would be healed of whatever ailed her. He placed his hands on her head and chest, and the blue light of the Harvest Lord’s healing power flowed from him into the girl. And nothing happened.
Savin and Lian were in shock. Brulle’s spells had never failed to help someone right away. What was wrong with this girl, wondered Savin. Was she beyond her father’s power, beyond the power of the Harvest Lord even? No, that couldn’t be it. No one was beyond the help of the Harvest Lord.
Brulle grimaced in pain. Somehow, he could feel the girl’s pain, her loneliness. He prayed again, this time for healing, and for love. The girl’s eyes flew open, and she yelled out. By now, a small group of villagers had gathered around, including two of the village elders.
“Where am I?”
“You are safe, child. You are in the village of Three Streams. I am a priest of the Harvest Lord, and his strength has healed you. Where did you come from?” Brulle felt he already knew the answer, he felt it when they two of them were connected by the healing magic. But, he had to ask.
“I, I don’t know. I don’t even know my name.” With those words out, she started to cry. Enjam’s mother had seen enough, brought a blanket to the girl, and ushered her into her house. One of the elders was about to suggest that might not be a good idea, but decided not to argue with the village’s second strongest woman.
Two days later, and neither the girl nor anyone in the village had any idea who she was, or where she had come from. Lian had led two of the village’s better hunters to where they had found the girl, and the three of them tried to follow her tracks. Even Lian, who might be the best tracker the village had seen in generations, was forced to give up after just a few hundred strides.
The elders were gathered in the meeting hall, and Savin was on the roof, eavesdropping on them. A ranger of the Order of Three Sides was with them. He was doing most of the talking.
“As I said, yesterday’s rain has ruined whatever trail there might have been. I know some of you think we could track the trail of a bird as it flew, but there are limits to our powers.” The ranger, who Savin did not know, smiled, and continued. “Our order thinks it best the girl stay here until we all figure out who, and what, she is. We’ll send a member every month or so, to make sure things are good. But, we can’t spare more than that. The orac are particularly and their numbers seem to have swelled this last winter. We are hard pressed to protect you and the other nearby villages. Hopefully more than a few of the nedults moving from child to apprentice will be Named ranger candidates next Naming Day. We need more protectors.”
Agatha, village head, looked around the room. After a short discussion, everyone agreed with the plan to keep the child in their village.
“I think we should keep her at our house for a bit. She is probably a year or two younger than Savin, but the two of them seem to get along.” Brulle waited for anyone to disagree, and when no one did, he said, “It’s decided then, the girl will live with us. I’m going to name her Athan.” Savin sucked in so much air in surprise that she feared the council heard her.
Athan was her father’s favorite servant of the Harvest Lord, a woman that had wandered from village to village, bringing oat and wheat seeds that grew crops that never got disease. It was said that the Harvest Lord appeared at her death, and personally brought her to the Heavans with him.
“That’s quite a burden to place on the girl, don’t you think?” The ranger sounded concerned.
“Perhaps, but perhaps not. She is a wanderer, I’m naming her after the most famous wanderer.”
The ranger continued, “Athan it is, then. I know better than to argue with a priest once he’s made up his mind. I need to be off, but one last word. Please watch Athan for any signs of anything not normal. Powers, magic, whatever. We still can’t be sure she’s not a trickster fey of some kind.” With that, she rose, and said her farewells to the council.
Lian would be envious, thought Savin. She was the one that got to see and hear the ranger, but Lian wants to be a ranger. He wants to be out wandering the woods, and protecting the villages. To have the power to heal and track and hunt. Savin hurried off the roof, making sure she was gone before the ranger got outside and saw her, so she missed the rest of the conversation.
“How much did your daughter hear, Brulle?”
“Enough. She and her friends will know to watch Athan, without us having to tell them and the rest of the village. Since they aren’t supposed to know, they won’t tell anyone else, so we don’t have to spook the village.”
“Aren’t you afraid they’ll be spooked,” asked Agatha.
“Nedults are too confident that they know everything there is to know to be afraid.” Brulle wasn’t sure that was true, but it sounded convincing when he said it.
Athan was moving to her third home today. She’d stayed only a few weeks with the priest and his family before the Owal’s had asked that she live with them. They had lost their daughter two years ago, and thought having Athan in their home would make all three of them happy. It hadn’t worked out that way. Athan’s presence only reminded them of their loss, and she left them after two months.
Athan, for her part, had not particularly enjoyed her time there either. It was a lonely place, a place without love. Athan was beginning to wonder if she’d ever have a real family, if anyone would ever love her.
While she had no family, at least she had some friends. The village’s nedults had taken her in right away. Being stuck in that age between being children and adults was difficult. The more of them in that state, the happier they were.
Especially Enjam. Enjam had had a crush on Athan from the first moment he saw her. He was currently walking her to Santan’s house. Enjam hoped Athan would be happy living with Santan and her mother. She sure hadn’t been happy in the first two places she lived.
“What are you most looking forward to, Athan?”
“Just having another girl around all the time will be great. It was lonely at the Owal’s, especially once the newness of me being around wore off.” Athan felt the sadness of that day all over again. She liked Enjam, but he had a way of making her feel deeply, and most of her feelings were of the sad variety. So, as much as she liked him, she dreaded being around him.
“Well, you’ll be much farther from the village, but not so far that we can’t all still be friends.” Enjam cringed a bit as he finished. Athan made him feel so awkward, he often said things that made him cringe when talking to her.
Athan smiled through what Enjam was sure were impending tears. She cried a lot. “Here we are, Enjam. Thanks for walking me. See you at the Harvest Fest in a few days. Santan and I were talking, and we have chores to do around here until then…”
Enjam knew he’d been dismissed, and turned to go home. When he was out of sight, he ran. Moving fast was Enjam’s second most favorite thing to do, after throwing knives at targets. Both of those things took his mind off of other things, like girls that didn’t like him as much as he liked them. He pulled out a knife, and threw it at one of the trees to his left. It sank deep into the tree, and he stopped to pull it out.